3 Reasons You’re Not Hot

Ouch!  What a dick!

Don’t worry, dear reader.  You’re totally hot.  If it were up to me, I’d just stare at you naked all day. I’m merely being incendiary with this post’s title.  Also, I was a bit concerned titling this post “I’d Love To Stare At You Naked All Day” would send the wrong message.

While you are indeed quite hot… I bet you’re not as hot as you want to be.  And not in the “always room for improvement” way.  I’ll just bet you’re making one of these classic mistakes below that are preventing you from reaching the zenith of your health and hotness potential.  Fear not, dear reader!  I shall now drop some knowledge bombs all over your face and you’ll be ready for that thong in no time!

The MFF Team at Broadway Bares.

(I wasn’t kidding about getting you ready for thongs.)

You’re Trying To Out-Train Your Diet – Ah yes.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve all had an evening (or a month) of nutritional indiscretions, then attempted to undo it by training our ass off the following week.  Sad to say… it doesn’t really work that well.  When seeking a life of health and hotness, there’s no amount of activity that can undo excessive caloric intake (this is science for “too much fucking food”).  If you want to be lean and mean, or even lean and kind, it’s important to make sure you’re not relying exclusively on training.

 And just for the record, healthy food isn’t calorie free. I’m ALL for non-processed foods, but if you’re really looking to lean out, you’ll need to be mindful of the amount of food you’re eating.  By all accounts, a salad with avocado and walnuts and olive oil and dried fruit and sunflower seeds and some blue cheese is healthy as fuck.  But it could also be 1200 calories.

You’re Not Using Progressive Training Strategies – Another common error I see is folks working hard, but not working smart.  Nothing is more tragic than seeing folks working their ass off for hours every week pursuing strategies that will bear little fruit.

For one thing, cardio sucks.  Is it wrong to spend 5 hours a week on the treadmill?  No, it’s not “wrong.”  But for many people, it’s not very effective.  Not only will the repetitive impact lead to joint issues for many folks, but the body also tends to adapt to that particular movement and figures out how to do it without burning a ton of calories.  Wah wah.

I’m begging you.  Please stop.  It’s really not doing what you think it is.

Unless you think it’s fucking up your knees. 

In that case, carry on.

Now if you’re weight training, you’re on the right path and you’re gonna see a better hotness return on your time and energy investment.  However, if you’re doing the same thing every workout, you’re again leaving a lot of potential on the table.  Particularly if your workout consists of wandering the gym, “doing the machines,” then getting bored because you’re not exactly sure what to do.

You’re Not Prioritizing Recovery – You can only train as hard as you can recover.  And sad to say, the things one needs to do for recovery are decidedly unsexy.  Drinking lots of water, getting sufficient sleep, and getting massages and/or foam rolling your muscles are hardly anything most people get excited about.  That said… most folks are not super “excited” about brushing their teeth.  Nonetheless, I think we can all agree that you’ll eventually run into problems unless you spend some time on dental hygiene.  Plus as a rule, folks with teeth tend to be hotter than folks without teeth.

I hope these points provide some food for thought and help you honestly assess if your current fitness regime is doing the trick.  If you’re not happy with your physique, I invite you to heed these principles and use your time more effectively.  And should you find yourself unsure as to the best practices for health and hotness, ‘twould be an honor to hold you in our fitness arms and nurture you to glory.

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