I had big goals for 2015. Huge ones. 2015 was going to be the year of change. 2015 is going to my year—the year of Staci. In my mind, I was already hash tagging it as #bestyearever. I remember witting in a journal, “Universe, I’m open. I’m ready. Bring on that change”.
Does Self-loathing motivate change, or keep you from it?
Boom! Before I knew it January was over and February was here. Then it was April, time was flying by. WTF?! Where is the change? I am determined. I am passionate, what was I missing? There were noticeable changes in the way I was conducting my life but I still wouldn’t describe it as joyful or fulfilled; the usual adjectives that would constitute #BestYearEver. Summer was looming and I had nada, zip, nothing. Frustrated didn’t even begin to describe my feelings.
Embracing your imperfections reveals your inner beauty
Then perfect timing, I read a blog posted by Danielle LaPorte where she wrote: “To be very clear, it’s not the pursuit of illumination that frazzles us, it’s the motivation beneath the pursuit. What’s driving your habit to improve? Are you fixing your flaws, or are you exploring your potential? Are you inviting the real you to emerge, or are you trying to cure your so-called shortcomings?”
Whoa. I was speechless. She just called me out.I realized that my desire to change was not coming from a place of love and light and self expansion. My desire for change was fuel by self-loathing. I was addicted to fixing my flaws. I was absolutely trying to cure all my shortcomings and things I hated about myself. And when I say hated, I mean make my skin crawl, shrink down, hide away kind of hate. FUCK. You can’t build a skyscraper without a firm foundation and self-hatred is not the foundation on which I want to build the beautiful masterpiece that is my life.
Now I realize #BestYearEver isn’t about changing myself because joy, fulfillment and personal power aren’t made manifest in changing myself. Rather, those are all manifested when I embrace all of me. July is here and I couldn’t be more excited because 2015 is no longer the year of change—2015 is the year of embracing. Taking up space isn’t about showing only the best version of myself to the world; it’s about showing all of me. I was expending so much energy on fighting myself, keeping myself small so that I wouldn’t draw attention to myself, because if I drew attention then at some point, the world would notice my imperfections. But here’s the thing, I bet if we brought back Michelangelo he would pick out flaws he sees in the Statue of David and the Sistine Chapel and those are masterpieces! Would his self-doubt make them any less masterpieces? NOPE. To us, those flaws are all part of the beauty we appreciate and revere.
Light and Dark come together for our best life.
A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer feel I have to overhaul myself. This doesn’t mean I will stop getting better. This also doesn’t mean I will stop evolving and growing. In fact it gives me the permission to do so but from a place of empowerment, excitement, fulfillment, self-love and wholeness. Getting better is rooted in living my best life celebrating all of me. I am constantly learning to embrace I am not perfect, nor do I want to be. I have my moments where I get frustrated and sad about myself. I think it’s only natural that we all have times of darkness. But with a perspective of embracing I know that I am dark and light coexisting. “In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.” Francis Bacon. My “darkness” can’t dim my light. So here’s to the rest of 2015 the #BestYearEver of #fullout embracing of all of me and using that beauty to create more in this world.
How Will This Change You?
Embracing yourself means you no longer view yourself as broken.
You don’t need to fight anymore to fix yourself because there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly you, and when you embrace who you are and the life you lead, incredible things start to happen. Things like appreciation, gratitude love and a sense of peace.
Embracing yourself is powerful because it gives you permission for the real you—all of you—to emerge and take up space.