I feel with each pound and inch loss and each kilo swung I gain a new ounce of happiness and confidence. I am lighter in all senses and I am learning to accept myself for who and what I am. - Ninja Daniel
So my awesome Super Ninja fiancé Brittany had told me about an essay we write after Snatched. I don’t know if I missed the email about it, but this has been on my mind the last few days, so I thought I’d jump the gun a little.
I moved to the city in 2008. Since moving here I’ve never really been messed with, mugged, or tested on the street or subway. People seem to avoid me… until they hear me talk and realize I’m a total pushover. I never really figured it out until now. I look like a beast. I am 6′ 2” with shoulders that go forever and whether I weigh 300 or 200 lbs I. Am. Going. To. Be. Large. However, I never felt in control of that. I just felt doughy and soft. I always felt like the sensitive, insecure neurotic dude. Like a mixture of George Costanza and Eric Foreman. I like 90s sitcoms. ANYWAY- I get it now. I AM A FUCKING BEAST. A nice beast, but a beast nonetheless. I’m large and in charge and getting leaner every single day. I see what they see, and I feel what they see. Like a mixture of Zangief and motherfucking Superman.
Now, I could say for the first time in my life my inside matches my outside, but that wouldn’t be true. Because my inside has evolved just as much as my outside. And they’ve continued matching as I change. At 300 lbs I was angry at the world. Angry at the guy who stepped into the subway before I got out. Angry at my boss. Angry at EVERYONE. But it was me. It was all me. Nobody else. My soul felt that weight. I feel with each pound and inch loss, and each kilo swung I gain a new ounce of happiness and confidence. I am lighter in all senses, and I am learning to accept myself for who and what I am, and in turn accepting the world around me MUCH better.
I never had doubts I could do this. I only had doubts if I would. That’s on you. That’s on Staci, Elizabeth, Brian, Mark and all of you at MFF. Anyone CAN do something, but it takes others around them to ignite that will power. Yes, it was me who put in the work, but it was you who held me up, and reassured me. I am the house, you are the foundation. I can never express to you how truly grateful I am that you have aided me in finding myself again. I spent the last decade in a dark awful place of self-hatred. Along with Brittany, who is my main facilitator of all things happy and amazing, you have TRULY TRULY TRULY changed me. I’m sobbing right now. Sorry. I love you guys. I love that you took me in. I’ve never been one to belong before.
I’m really going to miss you guys. As soon as I have a better job and the ability to be there regularly I will. Until then I will take the education and skill set you have provided me and apply it to personal workouts at Planet Fitness 4-5 times a week. You will forever be in my heart and my hot hot ass. I love you.